Dealing with morning meltdown

I’m sure we’ve all been there. Trying to get the kids ready for school, be it nursery or reception class. I’ve got m ready, she’s not yet two so is still relatively easy to get into clothes whether she likes it or not. But M who’s recently turned four is a different prospect and sometimes it ends in a meltdown (for both of you).

You start telling her it’s time to get dressed. She comes in from playing with her toys, takes off her PJ bottoms, puts pants on then spends the next 20mins running around carrying her vest not making any actual progress in getting dressed. In the meantime I’ve got the bags ready, m is ready, we’re all ready to go:

“Will you please put your clothes on!”

“But I need heeeellpppp”

“Ok, here, I’ll help”

“NO, I can do it myself!”

“Will you please get dressed!!, Ok we’ll see you in the car”

“NOOOO DADDY STAY HERE”

“Will you please get dressed!”

And so on, until one of you (usually me) loses the plot.

So how do you avoid this escalation?

Well I borrowed the following from this book “Divas & Dictators, the secrets to having a much better behaved child“, it has proven itself on a number of occasions.

So how could I have avoided the confrontation around the morning routine:

Make a plan

Sit down the night before or when you finally have a moment and think about the problem. Think about the following things:

  • What is the behaviour I want to stop? – Be specific, if there are lots of things, start with the one you think is easiest to change.
  • How much of the behaviour can I safely ignore? – Often simply ignoring the behaviour will make it disappear.
  • What would I like to see instead? – Be precise and more importantly, realistic.
  • Look at other factors that might be contributing to the problem? – Are they tired, hungry or thirsty?
  • What reward could I use when I see the right behaviour? – don’t confuse a bribe with a reward (for clarity a reward is something that is given when the child does something positive that was agreed on in advance).
  • What sanction could I use if things go wrong?

So I took some time to think about the above and how I could get M dressed so we can get out the door on time. Then when I had made my plan it was time to teach it to M.

The following morning after we had got up and I had given the girls their breakfast. I got down to M’s level and asked her to listen to me. I told her calmly and carefully:

“Ok darling, we don’t want to have another morning like yesterday when Daddy got angry”

“No Daddy”

“So while I get yours and m’s things ready, you can play but as soon as I say it’s time to get dressed, you must come to me start getting dressed”

“Yes Daddy”

“If you get dressed on time and we are ready before 8:15” (this is my notional cut off point for both girls to be dressed and ready) “you’ll get lots of ticks on the reward chart, and there will be more pocket money at the end of the week. But if you mess around and are not ready on time, no ticks, no pocket money”

“Yes Daddy, I want to get lots of ticks”

“Great, now off you go”

It worked. I was calm and when I had all their things ready, I asked M to come and get dressed and she did. I praised her along the way (this is important) that she was getting ready really well and helping Daddy lots while he gets m ready.

Then she came with me to the kitchen while I put lots of ticks on her reward chart. PHEW!

I’m certain we shall no doubt have more days when things go wrong, but hey, that’s parenting.

How do you manage bad behaviour/achieve your desired result with your children? I’d love to hear.

UPDATE

Since writing this post I’ve tried a different approach to the morning routine. We spoke to M and suggested that we get her dressed after she gets up and before breakfast. This gave her responsibility for the decision and she was up for it.

Four days into the new routine and mornings have transformed. With M already dressed before breakfast then there’s less stress for me to get her in her clothes and off to nursery. She now has time to have a little play after breakfast while I finish getting things ready, all of us are happy. In fact, this week we have consistently got out of the house at least 10-15 mins earlier than normal. Result!

The downside is the risk of getting porridge on her clothes, but it’s a small price to pay for my sanity and no meltdowns.

Potty training – reset

This post was originally published in my previous blog in October 2017

So I have previously posted on our experiences with potty training and how it’s been a long and tortuous road. We are still on that road and recently had to “reset”.

The reset

I wrote that just before my wife returned to work from maternity leave. People say that children cope well with change, well I know one little girl who doesn’t. Poor Galla was quite upset that mummy wasn’t at home on the Monday morning when we left for nursery school. When I picked her up that afternoon she was in a pair of “loaner” shorts from the nursery, she’d managed to go through the four changes of clothes I’d packed in her school bag. Oh dear….

Well all the literature says that you could go backwards with potty training if the child feels unsettled. For the rest of that week it didn’t get much better, in fact it got down right frustrating, she would do her little “wee dance” and I’d ask her to go to the potty and she’d refuse saying she didn’t need a wee. Then of course within seconds she’d wet herself. It wasn’t much better if I just picked her up and put her on it, there were tantrums, it got the point where she was almost going rigid and screaming when I tried to get her on the potty….one thing we didn’t want to breed was a fear of going to the toilet.

Anyway, we went on a trip at the end of the week to visit to Grandma and Grandpa for the weekend. Galla loves seeing them, but there were still accidents and she was still getting very upset about using the potty or toilet. So finally on Sunday morning we asked her if she wanted to use nappies again, she meekly said that she would. We put her in nappies all day and the change was remarkable, we had our happy little girl back again! Funnily enough she still treated the nappy as if she was wearing pants, she’d do a wee and act like she’d wet herself and ask to be changed.

The next day was Monday and I asked her as I was getting her dressed if she wanted to wear pants or nappies today and she said pants. I made it clear that if she wears pants she has to use the potty and toilet and did she understand that, she nodded. That was last week and so far we are back to normal, well still not getting the number twos but at least back to being happy to go on the potty/toilet and taking herself off there with no problems.

I just wanted to share this as some of the books you read appear to be real doomsayers about “never go back to nappies”, “it’ll confuse them”, “create problems” etc. It doesn’t really, we gave our little girl some control back again which in turn appeared to fix the uncontrollable spiral we were finding ourselves in.

I really hope I don’t have to write another piece on potty training…..