Stay at home Dad, bikes, kids, parenting, blogging….occasionally.
A Day in the Life by Mumma in Training
I recently had the honour and pleasure to be asked to do a “day in the life” Q&A by Steph at Mumma in Training. Steph writes and excellent blog about her experiences as a mum. There are some really useful tips, hacks and observations on the trials and tribulations of being a parent.
This post was originally published in my previous blog in October 2017
So I have previously posted on our experiences with potty training and how it’s been a long and tortuous road. We are still on that road and recently had to “reset”.
I wrote that just before my wife returned to work from maternity leave. People say that children cope well with change, well I know one little girl who doesn’t. Poor Galla was quite upset that mummy wasn’t at home on the Monday morning when we left for nursery school. When I picked her up that afternoon she was in a pair of “loaner” shorts from the nursery, she’d managed to go through the four changes of clothes I’d packed in her school bag. Oh dear….
Well all the literature says that you could go backwards with potty training if the child feels unsettled. For the rest of that week it didn’t get much better, in fact it got down right frustrating, she would do her little “wee dance” and I’d ask her to go to the potty and she’d refuse saying she didn’t need a wee. Then of course within seconds she’d wet herself. It wasn’t much better if I just picked her up and put her on it, there were tantrums, it got the point where she was almost going rigid and screaming when I tried to get her on the potty….one thing we didn’t want to breed was a fear of going to the toilet.
Anyway, we went on a trip at the end of the week to visit to Grandma and Grandpa for the weekend. Galla loves seeing them, but there were still accidents and she was still getting very upset about using the potty or toilet. So finally on Sunday morning we asked her if she wanted to use nappies again, she meekly said that she would. We put her in nappies all day and the change was remarkable, we had our happy little girl back again! Funnily enough she still treated the nappy as if she was wearing pants, she’d do a wee and act like she’d wet herself and ask to be changed.
The next day was Monday and I asked her as I was getting her dressed if she wanted to wear pants or nappies today and she said pants. I made it clear that if she wears pants she has to use the potty and toilet and did she understand that, she nodded. That was last week and so far we are back to normal, well still not getting the number twos but at least back to being happy to go on the potty/toilet and taking herself off there with no problems.
I just wanted to share this as some of the books you read appear to be real doomsayers about “never go back to nappies”, “it’ll confuse them”, “create problems” etc. It doesn’t really, we gave our little girl some control back again which in turn appeared to fix the uncontrollable spiral we were finding ourselves in.
I really hope I don’t have to write another piece on potty training…..
This post was originally published in my previous blog in October 2017
Where do we start?…. Well I started looking at Pinterest and found a load of these sort of pages:
The idea that you can potty train your child in three days is bollocks. Of all our friends with children they all have various stories of success; “after a while she didn’t want to wear nappies at night and that was that” for example, but none have said they did it over a long weekend!
We are currently seven weeks down the line and while M will happily take herself off to the potty or toilet when she needs a wee, we are still struggling with poos. Now everyone says that this is a sticking point (forgive the pun) but I really don’t know how to progress on this issue. I guess we can keep on supporting her, give her lots of encouragement and reminders of “where do poos go?” she knows exactly where they need to go but at the moment the closest to success we’ve had was her telling me she needed the toilet just at the moment she was doing it. Oh well, as my wife said “it’s a miracle any of us know how to use the loo, we’re not going to train m, she’s going to be in nappies until she’s 22!”
Also, potty training changes you, myself and my wife have become completely blasé about other people’s sensibilities. When you spend most of your week days going to places and activities where there are other children and parents you’re used to kids having accidents and their general (frankly brilliant) no holds barred, shameless attitude to life. But when you have friends visiting who don’t have children you forget this and while it may be completely normal to you to have your toddler parade around half naked then sit on the potty in the corner of the room, you forget that this is not really a normal occurrence for most people.
So how on earth did we get here?
You have to remember that everything that your child has learned to this point is pretty much instinctive, eating, walking, talking all come naturally and we as parents are there to guide and develop these attributes. But going to the toilet is seems totally unnatural to a toddler and it is the first thing that we as parents actively have to teach and they to learn. So it’s a learning curve for both of us.
We tried the potty when M was 27 months but it was within 2 months of m being born and it was a disaster from beginning to end so we quickly abandoned it. Reading various books tells you that should only attempt potty training at least 2 months before or ideally after the arrival of a new sibling.
So, reset and start again.
Both me and my wife discussed how we should approach potty training M and in the end I drew the short straw. We decided that it would be good if one parent took the lead and as I’m naturally the calmer of the two of us I got the job, ho hum.
As with most things to do with parenting I like to read a bit from several sources, either ignore it or take what I like from each. We went with the approach that we will go with M being out of nappies for most of the day but if there are times when we absolutely need to leave the house then we would put a nappy on her. While some sources say this is confusing for the child most recommend not night potty training them at the same time so they are going into a nappy a night, what’s the difference?
I read a couple of books on the subject:
Typically for Gina she’s a bit hard core and goes with the “once they’re out of nappies, they’re out, no going back!”
This book was a bit more of a softly softly approach, suggesting that you start your child on “sessions” of training, you go an hour or two without the nappy and slowly extend this over a period of time until she is out of the nappy for the whole day.
Anyway, we chose a clear couple of weeks at the end of the summer holidays and went for it. The first four days she was wearing her “big girl pants” but consistently kept having accidents, she’d wet herself and then say that she needed the potty. Doing a poo often came more out of luck than judgement, by sitting her on the potty around the time of day she usually went we occasionally got a success but more often than not I was cleaning soiled pants yet again.
We spoke to some friends who were going through the same process with their daughter and they recommended the following book:
I also consulted “Mums mafia”…sorry, mumsnet and this book quite often comes up in their forums as a good one to use for potty training.
It suggests going with the naked from the waist down approach for the first few days until she “gets it” and then progress to going commando, i.e. just wearing leggings or shorts for example and eventually after a few weeks putting the pants on.
The change was remarkable, going naked from the waist down made all the difference. After four days of pretty much one success a day and lots of accidents we immediately went to one or two accidents and lots of successes. After a few days we even managed our first outing, down to the local supermarket without an accident. I made a point every time we went out to take her to whatever public loos were available, firstly to not breed any fear of using a different toilet but also to get her to actually do her business in them. That first outing the supermarket in question has an excellent parent and child facility and I sat her on the loo and after a couple of minutes she did her wee…so proud.
Funny how life has changed for me, being immensely proud when my daughter successfully wees in a public toilet!
As regular readers will know, my wife is a kiwi and since we had the children we’ve tried to visit NZ every year. We want them to know and enjoy visiting their family over there.
I was going to write a piece on what we did on our travels over there but have decided to share with you our current thoughts on a much bigger life changing decision.
After every trip over there we always get a touch of the holiday blues which is particularly hard for my wife as NZ is her home. Ever since we first met she has talked about moving back and I’ve always readily entertained that idea. Now we have children the question of emigrating is becoming more and more important.
When to go?
We need to think about when, the eldest of the nephews and nieces over there is 16. We’d want to go soon so the girls can enjoy spending time with their cousins before they themselves spread their wings and leave the nest. Also, as Galla is now three years old, she will be starting school in 2019 so we’d need to think about timing around her schooling.
My wife comes from Oamaru in the South Island, for a provincial NZ town it’s actually pretty cool. It must be, because Lonely Planet said so. Since I met my wife, I’ve visited four times now. I actually stopped there when I was backpacking through NZ in 2004. Little did I know I’d end up getting married there!
Each time we visit I say to my wife “you know, I could live here”. Which is always a surprise to her because, being local, she can remember growing up just wanting to leave. She never thought she’d consider coming back to settle there with a family.
Family close by,
friendly locals (like most places in NZ),
lots of outdoor activities to enjoy close by.
Work; my wife works in banking and my background is finance, there’s not much call for that locally. We’d have to think outside the box. Do something completely different, run a cafe or B&B for example? That will take time to organise and will involve a steep learning curve.
Auckland, NZ’s largest city. It’s a lovely city to visit, lots to do and see, some excellent dining and drinking as well.
big city amenities in not such a big city,
friends close by,
Work, Auckland’s economy is booming and it would be one of the easiest places in NZ for my wife and I to find work in our sectors.
It’s a city; why move to the other side of the world to live in another city?
Furthest from family, they would be a plane trip away,
Expensive to buy property and like most of NZ, cost of living is high.
Somewhere completely different in NZ. It’s a stunning country and there are some truly spectacular places to live.
We could live somewhere neither of us have been before and really start family life anew
That’s a bit scary quite frankly!
What happens now?
Are you still here? Thanks for reading this far and letting me download my thoughts on this complicated decision process.
My challenge now is to start putting together a plan on what needs to happen when in order to get us to the other side of the world. I will write more blog posts as I work along this process. Do we sell up here? Do we go with work in familiar areas or do we try something completely different?
Watch this space. If you have any thoughts or tips on moving your family to a different country, I’d love to hear them.
I suffer from tinnitus and have done, on and off for about 25 years.
What is Tinnitus
The perception of ringing in your ears. It is a fairly common condition affecting about 1 in 10 people in the UK. For some it can be so overwhelming that it affects their quality of life, they find it hard to sleep or concentrate for example. For others, like myself, it is an annoyance that you learn to live with but really wish you didn’t have to. I find it quite distressing that I can never truly enjoy quiet, I always have a ringing in my ears.
It is not a condition in itself but a symptom of an underlying condition such as age-related hearing loss or ear injury.
Tinnitus and me
I think my first memories of it came around the time I was university. I’d go to gigs and find my ears ringing for days afterwards. Since then it is something I have always been aware of but have just got on with. When my children arrived it became a bit more of an issue. I found that my daughter’s cry was at the same frequency as the ringing in my ears. This meant when she was upset and crying hard I actually found it painful to listen to.
Earlier last year I decided to try to investigate it further as it was causing me such discomfort. I went to my local GP and managed to get a referral to a specialist. I had hearing tests and a follow-up discussion with the specialist. As you get older you lose hearing at higher frequencies, this is normal. But for me as these nerves die off it creates “noise” which is interpreted by my brain as ringing. So the problem is exacerbated as I get older.
What can you do
Nothing unfortunately, well, there is no cure for it. Tinnitus can impact your quality of life and cause problems such as:
You can already see if you’re a new parent, these are complications that you definitely don’t need. If you’re able to treat these conditions then while it won’t make your tinnitus go away, it will hopefully make you feel better.
What I was told is that as there is no cure for tinnitus you can find ways of managing the condition. Try and reduce stress factors, attempt to get a good nights sleep, turn down the volume and get some exercise for example. If it is something that does bother you then there are support groups out there that can help. I’ll add some links below.
And for me?
Well as my eldest has got older she understands that Daddy sometimes has sore ears so she needs to be a little bit more quiet. This usually has the desired effect, though during her terrible twos she did once or twice scream at me deliberately. But hey, that’s toddlers for you!